I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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