So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
