I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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