Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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