Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
That's intense
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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