Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize