Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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