Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
