were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
