I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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