I'm jealous of your bromance
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
