tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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