i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
