It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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