thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
