Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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