I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
