i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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