i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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