Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
