i already hear my dad disowning me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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