Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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