Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this beer tastes like vomit already
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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