i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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