RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
