NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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