You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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