Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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