We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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