I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize