you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize