You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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