wrigley field is MILF paradise
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
