That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
