The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
