My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
