we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
