Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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