when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
