oh god the rape fog is back!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
