so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
