I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
