Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
