I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
