dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
