The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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