had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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