I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
