You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
