I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
