Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
