I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
