I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
