last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
