I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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