im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You are a genius and a whore.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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