They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
