we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
