I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
