I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
