is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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