all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
