So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
