fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
