I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
